When I am Finally Seen

It was loud

    "She's talking..."

    "He said that was great!"

    "Yes, pass her that please..."

 

Relaying conversations were easy

Listening actively were enjoyable

Observing is in my nature

that, of others

 

Where there is noise

there is silence

When someone is heard

another isn't

Where one is seen

others tend to disappear

 

But a pair of eyes sees me

Hear my spoken words

Warm hands covering the sharp edges

and soft questions to calm my nerves

 

But the very same pair of eyes sees her

Hear her loudest without any words spoken

Marched in front of her to be pierced first

Conversation overflowing for he is the nervous one

 

It is still loud

and I am still observing

but it hurts to notice things 

 

 

Hello everyone, it's getting awkward hearing my own voice so I'm not sure how long I'll be continuing this spoken poetry.... But do enjoy it while it's here! Have fun reading and listening <3 

You Had Me at Every Hello

 

The water was dark and murky

I knew of the fishes and corals underneath

Though none I could see

No colours seeping through

Still, I had to cross to the safety of the land

So I wadded through

 

The land people noticed my shrunken skins

and my matted hair, tousled with sands

But they could not have known

For the smiling mask I bartered as greetings

Has dawdled their fury of questions

to a later that did not resurface

 

Multiple acquaintances made for comfort

Naming them friends was for the majestic ball

 Still I felt trapped in those murky waters

Sometimes underneath them

Needing gasps after gasps of air

Short moments of reprieve

 

The land people was most welcoming

Hosting lunches and dinners with open invites

Heard of you from the vines full of thorns

Pulled in, I was

an indirect hello for an introduction

Indeed, you kept me intrigued

 

Up on the yacht we paddled

 Conversations of your puzzles kept my thoughts away from those waters

Puzzles you had completed

though some pieces were misaligned and some were broken

Your "willful, artistic approach"

 

Unfortunately the big wave folded us all

Familiarity keeps me afloat in the coldness

As it is more certain that fighting for life. 

While you boarded your boat to safety,

we waved our goodbyes, too precarious to reach out a hand 

 

The drought dried up the waters

But unforgiving of the pains it led stay

So when you told me you had docked at a merriment of a city

I couldn't help but felt envy

Longing for the possibilities that I didn't voice

that stayed silent as I waved you another goodbye 

 

But you were not the gentleman I had met on that land

Perhaps I had not known you at all

For I had waited at the harbour for as many times as those three pigeons you sent

But you were never there

Huh, wait. You were indeed the same gentleman. 

Ones who leaves.

 

A package had arrived last week

Some excitement were still within me due to the festivities surrounding me

I thought my stars were finally aligned!

Paid for a carriage I had

But ride it? I cannot.

 

Obligations bore me, sentiment exhausts me!

But I had too many qualms in me to sustain myself

I had no more riddles to let you butcher without an answer

I had bouquets of my hopes delivered

But no, there was never a single vase

For the roses were left to dry on the pavements in the harbour 

 

Hello everyone, I'm trying spoken poetry for the first time! Pardon the weird intonation or pauses, I trying it out base on feelings for now so do forgive me if I'm butchering it :(

Also, enjoy! 

Dried Flower

 inspired by Yuuri, from a song with the same title

 

Crumpled at the edges

Hollowed stems that used to 

be sturdy holding us strong

A slight tug is all it needed

For us to sway and fall to pieces 

Dulled colour till browned

What was once fragrant

now smells like moldy air

A day or two more we could stay

Before black and ashes we became

No more water could freshen us up

Upside down, we were tied 

right next to the sun

Over abundance of nutrient I gave us once

Now stem blackens, infected

Still crumpled at the edges

Now the petals had fallen out

Overflowed with too much

care and love

Too porous to hold onto

Once a brightly exciting bouquet

turned black as death

negligence swells the wound

stench welcoming the air

I had once adored our love

Savouring the colours it painted my life

Thinking that I could preserve it

Looking forward to contain it

But before I could hang it dry

so that it will be everlasting

An untimely death beckoning

as the water I had poisoned

A Paused Movie

Like a movie character

Flowing with the plot lines

Stressing out as it thickens

Relaxes riding down the climaxes

Like a movie character

Playing roles written for me

My starts and my ends are eveready

1, 2, 3, Action! and it rolls sweetly

I’m a movie character

Stared into space then I saw you

The audience staring at the screen

The screen called my life

I’m a movie character

Sadly not the one you stayed for

Not the one with a kiss under the mistletoe

Not the one you binged till your eyes are sore

I’m a movie character

My story build but then forgotten

Paused till needed or never resurrected

For I am a side character

Like a movie character

You caught me on the big screen

Waited for a side story that will never happen

Stunted at episode two, drunken.

7 Feet Away

Grow the distance,

It’ll make you ponder

So much you’ll start to wonder

“Have you eaten?”

“Did you take your medication today?”

“Are you smiling?”

Jay said we are far away

Like the Moon to Earth

Using music to quench our thirst

🎶 … you are 25 minutes too late …

… I call you but you don’t answer …

… however much I think of you, you’re not here anymore … 🎶

One less person calling (me)

Telling me the hurt they held

Soothed my pain that too had swelled

telling me how to be myself

reaching out searching for consolation

a pair of ears that listen.

The distance between us is now a fixture

Yet everyday felt like it is growing wider

With more memories floating into exhilation

Still I Do

People asked if I have loved before

Laughed it off or lie

Are my usual slice of pie

Afraid of reliving my mistakes

Of letting love in

Only to leave it stranded alone

People asked if I am loving someone

Deadpan stares and resigned sighs

“I am not interested in one for now.”

Fear that more questions will tell them

How you are the picture of every lyrics I sang

You are the story of the poems I wrote

People asked what will I do if I fall in love

Smiling, suppressing laughters

Darting eyes, acting innocent

Covering up how it is you I’m talking about

Of the way we have loved before

The way I will love you still

Like Awkward Strangers

 I moved today

To a new neighbourhood

Unloaded my boxes

Cooked our favourite meal

To give out to my neighbours

Breaking the ice

Exchanging phone numbers

Scouting the area,

I went to a store nearby

Used to push the cart with you by my side

Picking up our favourite snacks

For our weekly movie nights

Now I'm talking about vanilla ice-cream

With the lady in pink and white

Wanted to walk,

but it rained heavily

So I took the bus back home

The back seat used to be our favourite

chatting giddily away from others

Now I stood holding the railing

Chatting with a grandma sitting across

I am home.

Taking of my shoes

I saw my reflection on the mirror at the door

Is that same girl still your favourite?

The first to know but the last to be ignored?

My phone now filled with strangers' names

But yours is the strangest of them all.

Mimosa*

 *Pokok semalu

Dibuai angin masihkan tenang

Daunnya kembang tiada terkesan

Jangan diusik, jangan dipegang

Di awal hari sudah ku pesan

Pulang ke kampung dari kota

Dulu termangu kini ceria wajahnya

Makin dihalang tinggilah nafsunya

Tidak diubati hitamlah hatinya

Diajak rakan usiklah segera

Mengusik kesemua daun yang malu

Enggan ku bilang tidak diendah

Matilah jiwa tertutuplah pintu

Do You?: Part III

Do You series

Part III

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like visiting a war museum

    The pictures so loud I feel the pain

    Then I walked out the door

    The exhibition has ended

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like an itchy mosquito bite

    Home remedy putting an 'X' across

    Soon the urge subsides

    Still there but scratch I need not

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like taking anesthetic while delivering      

    Struggling, but pain is not felt

    As the pain altered by the high

    A new life is born out of it

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part II.

Do You?: Part II

Do You series

Part II

Memories etched in every muscles I have

    I swear, I have forgotten about you

    I have kept you locked in a faraway place

    I have behaved

    Though my mind whispered, "Why not."

 

Every now and then your name comes up

    I feel that tightness in my chest

    That echo in my mind running loud

    Loud but voiceless, soundless

    Still it hurts

 

Wound from my fall left scars on my skin

    but it no longer hurt or bleeds

    It closes and dried up

    Then why the you that I can't see

    Lingers and pained me

 

Time heals all but memories

    Seeping through my unconsciousness

    Filling all cracks without fail

    The smallest flame ignites

    and I remember it all

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

Do You?: Part I

Do You series

Part I

Physical pain versus memory that stabs me

every time I remember

and I do remember

just like I did before

I do it again

I used to dream the possibilities

of being the one you turn your head to

I was hopeful

but truth is not merciful

punched in the guts continuously

"Doing something repeatedly but hoping for a different ending,"

they called this insanity

guess I should be warded now

for I'm in pain

for I have done it again

What if one day I forget about you?

Completely with no residue

will peace finally visit me

or would it be the same

empty and void again?

In a parallel universe far from us

there is me and you

I hope we are strangers

because knowing you hurts

for I'm the one who remembers

 

 

Click here to read the Part II of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

Pelbagai Warna

Seminit lalu ku ketawa girang
Bersama rakan ku menonton wayang
Lucu memikirkan gelagat orang
Menilai semula adegan tayangan

Saat ini amarah ku mendalam
Membuak-buak hilang kawalan
Suasana gembira menjadi suram
Rakan ku kesal teramat terkilan

Bukan hendak ku merubah tawa
Mengundang hampa dan keluhan sama
Yakinku kelak ada yang hilang
Berkurangan hingga ku tangis seorang

Capability to Change

I am a stagnant water
Collecting dust and rainwater
Level rising in this contained walls
Waiting to be released, to run free
Waiting for an overflow

I am a stagnant water
Collecting moss and unidentified creatures
Turning green, gross and grimy
Waiting to be cleaned, to be changed
Waiting to be thrown away

I am a stagnant water
People poke holes on my concrete walls
Building a running water system
Waiting for a cleaner liquid, oxygenated
Waiting for a salvation

Still I am a stagnant water
Long collected debris and dirt
Hand-in-had forming an alliance
Blocking the holes, blocking options
Blocking all hopes and solutions

Sufian Suhaimi - Di Matamu

Currently trending in Malaysia!

A song about a guy with past relationships that made his current love doubtful of him. The guy had a past of several relationships and unfortunately, his previous self became the object of dissatisfaction from his current love's point of view.

A sad song of not being able to forgive a person's past life. Enjoy,

Di Matamu - In Your Eyes

Wet Paint

I met you when the paint was wet
You saw through how it dries
Clinging to the wall like a second skin
Still, I wished for a wallpaper

Passing my street you stop and chatted
About the weather and the new colour
The season changed to summer and drier heat
You pointed up my wall and there it is, a cracked bit

Soon the paint starts peeling itself
Kept on stopping by and we chatted
Talked about the old and the new
Said you'll help paint mine too

We scrounged the walls deep
Till the bare base surfaces
The ashy gray cemented bricks
With tiny holes of air pockets

Months gone by changing seasons
The storms and thunders provide reasons
My street missing your daily presence
My walls grew moldy from separation

New paint sat beside me
Wet from water mixing
My back to the street I stare
At the steel gate I just purchased

_________________________________________________________________________________

To her and Mr. Confusing. Thank you, now her heart is re-strengthen, I guess....

Re-uploaded due to some spelling mistakes huhuhu

3 Suara - Beribu Sesalan

This is quite a direct translation since it is quite difficult to rephrase Malay linguistics (or perhaps I'm just bad at it).

A song of regrets harbored after knowing the guy/lady. 

Enjoy!

Hafiz - Bahagiamu Deritaku

Here's another Malay song!
I really love this song, he really manage to perform the emotions with his singing :)

Bahagiamu Deritaku - Your Happiness, My Misery 

The Ignoramus

He is just so believing.


Time came where the world tumbled
So ferociously it crumbled
Rise the fool who thought he could salvage
But it turned into a burden for his baggage.

Soon he discovered the core
A fool he is, he didn't know
To deal with it or who to call for
Thus he choose to go with the flow.

The journey ahead ain't so promising
As he found himself further failing
He hated himself now he is falling
To a dark corner of the world where's no one waiting.



But still, his tiny foolish heart keeps on praying.

Falling

People stumble and fall
When they fall,
they fall hard.
They bleed
They feel the pain
Their wound hurts
But soon it dries up.
Building a hard layer of defence around it.

Am I not 'people' ?
Am I better ?
Or am I worse ?

I stumble though I don't fall
But still I bleed
And still I feel the pain
Different, probably
Different, indeed.
The wounds never dry up
No layer of defence protecting me
Just a bigger wound
every stumbling.

But never falling.



Because sometimes it feels better to fall.
Another late night inspiration :)

Thank you for reading!