When I am Finally Seen

It was loud

    "She's talking..."

    "He said that was great!"

    "Yes, pass her that please..."

 

Relaying conversations were easy

Listening actively were enjoyable

Observing is in my nature

that, of others

 

Where there is noise

there is silence

When someone is heard

another isn't

Where one is seen

others tend to disappear

 

But a pair of eyes sees me

Hear my spoken words

Warm hands covering the sharp edges

and soft questions to calm my nerves

 

But the very same pair of eyes sees her

Hear her loudest without any words spoken

Marched in front of her to be pierced first

Conversation overflowing for he is the nervous one

 

It is still loud

and I am still observing

but it hurts to notice things 

 

 

Hello everyone, it's getting awkward hearing my own voice so I'm not sure how long I'll be continuing this spoken poetry.... But do enjoy it while it's here! Have fun reading and listening <3 

enter my difficult heart, why don't you?

 Constant knocking

  a fist, a doorbell, a door ring

   throwing balls, throwing letters

anything

to make me open that door

 

A door so huge and tall

Thick with the daily paste of cement added on

sturdy as a 159-years old oak tree

yet so pale and uninviting

 

Despite that those hands bruised itself knocking

Chipping away the cements a millimeter daily

Denting the walls where it usually stood unmoving

A relentless pursuit

 

Poked a hole just big enough

To shake your hands

To tell you Hi and that I am here

am here showing my face only to then retire

 

Oh my gosh such determination!

You came again the very next day! 

... and again ...

...and again!!!?!

 

Soon I split the door into two

Installed some latches to swing them open

For you needed a passage to an entrance and an exit

For a miracle had occurred

               For you had occurred.

 

Thank you, for knocking on my door <3
 

Hello everyone, I'm trying out spoken poetry again! Pardon the weird intonation or pauses, still basing it on feelings for now so do forgive me if I'm butchering it :) 

Enjoy! 

 

Hey, Hear Me Out

 I told my neighbour yesterday

That Anna from 2 doors down had a man over

Unbeknownst to her husband

Who had been away for days

Huh? Oh, for I haven't had jogged pass him at all this week!

I went over to her house immediately

When I saw Derek passed out by the pool

Flushed red cheeks screaming how much he had fun, obviously 

Surely..., day drinking and experimenting stuffs

Ughh, with no other than that muscled friend of his

Left my neighbour a voicemail as she didn't pick up

Oh my God did you know what happened?

Stella bought so many new insurances! 

Hurry, buckle up your seat ladies

A dead husband is coming our way soon!

I went to my neighbour's just now

It's pitch black outside but I saw it

Richie sneaking pass his lawn to Anna's kitchen

In her nightgown she welcomed him

See, what did I told you before?!

 

Some came to me by the news

Some you called in to 'inform' me

Some just stared me right in the eyes as I opened my front door in the morning

 

It was their house doctor

Visiting Anna's husband at home

as he had been down with a bad cold

 

Derek had a swimming coach that day

As he was struggling to breathe due to overexertion

 while you stopped me to ring the ambulance just in time

She did not come from money

So when she was finally promoted after 10 years of working

Stella bought her first ever insurances, for the whole family

They had been married for 8 years

A homemade lemon cake craved by an eight-month-belly

and be damned, Anna bakes real good

I never knew why my neighbours never stayed

I made all efforts to befriend them

Updated them daily fearing they might missed it

Busy working or even baking

like my ex-neighbour now 2 doors down

Dried Flower

 inspired by Yuuri, from a song with the same title

 

Crumpled at the edges

Hollowed stems that used to 

be sturdy holding us strong

A slight tug is all it needed

For us to sway and fall to pieces 

Dulled colour till browned

What was once fragrant

now smells like moldy air

A day or two more we could stay

Before black and ashes we became

No more water could freshen us up

Upside down, we were tied 

right next to the sun

Over abundance of nutrient I gave us once

Now stem blackens, infected

Still crumpled at the edges

Now the petals had fallen out

Overflowed with too much

care and love

Too porous to hold onto

Once a brightly exciting bouquet

turned black as death

negligence swells the wound

stench welcoming the air

I had once adored our love

Savouring the colours it painted my life

Thinking that I could preserve it

Looking forward to contain it

But before I could hang it dry

so that it will be everlasting

An untimely death beckoning

as the water I had poisoned

Age of Maturity

They said it is caused he's young

Still gallivanting life

A free soul not yet tied down

A boy, wanting adventures

That's why he chased after her.

 

They said that he has the build

Masculinity to gawk at

Fulfilling dreams of reliability

A man's shoulder to depend on

Both hands outstretched, he caged her.

 

They said it is caused of his immaturity

Joyously experimenting

No repercussion on his end

"Just a friendly flirting"

So he laid his head on her shoulder.

 

They said that he'll grow up

Give it some time

With age and responsibilities

Wisdom will soon matures him

That is when he'll slow down. 

They said people will change

Too early to be judged

But an older man I have witnessed

Having the heart of a selfish boy

Disappointing homes he should have cared most.

The Giving Tree

 "Sure, I'll back you up."

Spoken as I break off the right branch
To be made into a display cabinet
A housewarming gift prepared for next week
Three hundred days since we last met

"Sure, I'll be there in a heartbeat."

For a midnight rendezvous
Curbing your hunger
I had gathered all my fruits
Bringing it to you still in my office attire

"Sure, I'll pick you up."

My sturdy trunk repurposed 
As a shoulder you lean on
When the world tires you out
When exhaustion burns you alive
and I shall burn together

"Sure, let's ride it out,"

Exchanging my leaves for the fuel
To bring us away tonight
An adventure for your delight
As I'm struggling for my eyes to not shut

"Sure, they will return?"

When I'm less than a stump
With my roots clutching hard
Holding on to the dried-up ground
For sure they will come 
                                        . . . right ?

*Inspired by my cousin and friends, for how giving they are, without the knowledge of how the other parties might treat them back. Thank you for being with me.

Irreversible Damage

Started with a gust of wind
Blowing debris
Blowing raindrops
Blowing scents

and then it stops.

Next accompanied with a little howling
of tin can clucking
of pebbles rolling
of tree and shrubs shaking
before it ceases.

But no one moves
No fence strengthen 
No pets secured
No alarms blared
. . . until its, too late

The howls and the wind returns

Ferociously howling

Continuously blowing

Rapidly flooding

Now every bits are gone

I had tried holding on

on the branches of love

love you had completely destroyed

with the tsunami of hatred

that you folded me in

when you claimed the whispers of the winds

as a mere joke to dine with wine

. . . so welcome to my haunted forest

        forgive me not for brushing you off

        be confused of my erratic attitude

        ... or none

        for you now I am but a ghost

        forcibly living, love a mere illusion. 

Presents

 Old Boxes Presents

I went home today

Boxes piling
Dusts rolling
Silence screeching

I picked up a box today
Bending down
Blowing dust
Coughing hard

I saw you again today
of books and clothing
of scents lingering
memories rewinding

I'll come again like today
Opening another
Revisiting chapters
Always remember

A Paused Movie

Like a movie character

Flowing with the plot lines

Stressing out as it thickens

Relaxes riding down the climaxes

Like a movie character

Playing roles written for me

My starts and my ends are eveready

1, 2, 3, Action! and it rolls sweetly

I’m a movie character

Stared into space then I saw you

The audience staring at the screen

The screen called my life

I’m a movie character

Sadly not the one you stayed for

Not the one with a kiss under the mistletoe

Not the one you binged till your eyes are sore

I’m a movie character

My story build but then forgotten

Paused till needed or never resurrected

For I am a side character

Like a movie character

You caught me on the big screen

Waited for a side story that will never happen

Stunted at episode two, drunken.

7 Feet Away

Grow the distance,

It’ll make you ponder

So much you’ll start to wonder

“Have you eaten?”

“Did you take your medication today?”

“Are you smiling?”

Jay said we are far away

Like the Moon to Earth

Using music to quench our thirst

🎶 … you are 25 minutes too late …

… I call you but you don’t answer …

… however much I think of you, you’re not here anymore … 🎶

One less person calling (me)

Telling me the hurt they held

Soothed my pain that too had swelled

telling me how to be myself

reaching out searching for consolation

a pair of ears that listen.

The distance between us is now a fixture

Yet everyday felt like it is growing wider

With more memories floating into exhilation

Still I Do

People asked if I have loved before

Laughed it off or lie

Are my usual slice of pie

Afraid of reliving my mistakes

Of letting love in

Only to leave it stranded alone

People asked if I am loving someone

Deadpan stares and resigned sighs

“I am not interested in one for now.”

Fear that more questions will tell them

How you are the picture of every lyrics I sang

You are the story of the poems I wrote

People asked what will I do if I fall in love

Smiling, suppressing laughters

Darting eyes, acting innocent

Covering up how it is you I’m talking about

Of the way we have loved before

The way I will love you still

Like Awkward Strangers

 I moved today

To a new neighbourhood

Unloaded my boxes

Cooked our favourite meal

To give out to my neighbours

Breaking the ice

Exchanging phone numbers

Scouting the area,

I went to a store nearby

Used to push the cart with you by my side

Picking up our favourite snacks

For our weekly movie nights

Now I'm talking about vanilla ice-cream

With the lady in pink and white

Wanted to walk,

but it rained heavily

So I took the bus back home

The back seat used to be our favourite

chatting giddily away from others

Now I stood holding the railing

Chatting with a grandma sitting across

I am home.

Taking of my shoes

I saw my reflection on the mirror at the door

Is that same girl still your favourite?

The first to know but the last to be ignored?

My phone now filled with strangers' names

But yours is the strangest of them all.

Mimosa*

 *Pokok semalu

Dibuai angin masihkan tenang

Daunnya kembang tiada terkesan

Jangan diusik, jangan dipegang

Di awal hari sudah ku pesan

Pulang ke kampung dari kota

Dulu termangu kini ceria wajahnya

Makin dihalang tinggilah nafsunya

Tidak diubati hitamlah hatinya

Diajak rakan usiklah segera

Mengusik kesemua daun yang malu

Enggan ku bilang tidak diendah

Matilah jiwa tertutuplah pintu

You Made Me

 does your heart shrinks

your oxygen depleted

gasping for air

does your nerves break down

suddenly anxious

on pins and needles

does your cheek flushes red

body heating up

feverish

does your teeth shows

smiling all the way up

like a maniac

because mine does

that's what you made me do

Repeated Sinner

Words

are a  mixture of letters

that made sounds when clumped together

creating spells both enchanting and poisonous

Words

are the melody I sang to You

so beautiful like a sprouting flower

blooming ever so healthily

only to realize the lack of fragrance

Words

that I poured out countless

hoping to be heard

are mere empty promises made

for actions, I don't partake

 

Loud coming out from the mouth

                                        but silent for gestures unseen 

 

Do You?: Part III

Do You series

Part III

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like visiting a war museum

    The pictures so loud I feel the pain

    Then I walked out the door

    The exhibition has ended

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like an itchy mosquito bite

    Home remedy putting an 'X' across

    Soon the urge subsides

    Still there but scratch I need not

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like taking anesthetic while delivering      

    Struggling, but pain is not felt

    As the pain altered by the high

    A new life is born out of it

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part II.

Do You?: Part II

Do You series

Part II

Memories etched in every muscles I have

    I swear, I have forgotten about you

    I have kept you locked in a faraway place

    I have behaved

    Though my mind whispered, "Why not."

 

Every now and then your name comes up

    I feel that tightness in my chest

    That echo in my mind running loud

    Loud but voiceless, soundless

    Still it hurts

 

Wound from my fall left scars on my skin

    but it no longer hurt or bleeds

    It closes and dried up

    Then why the you that I can't see

    Lingers and pained me

 

Time heals all but memories

    Seeping through my unconsciousness

    Filling all cracks without fail

    The smallest flame ignites

    and I remember it all

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

Do You?: Part I

Do You series

Part I

Physical pain versus memory that stabs me

every time I remember

and I do remember

just like I did before

I do it again

I used to dream the possibilities

of being the one you turn your head to

I was hopeful

but truth is not merciful

punched in the guts continuously

"Doing something repeatedly but hoping for a different ending,"

they called this insanity

guess I should be warded now

for I'm in pain

for I have done it again

What if one day I forget about you?

Completely with no residue

will peace finally visit me

or would it be the same

empty and void again?

In a parallel universe far from us

there is me and you

I hope we are strangers

because knowing you hurts

for I'm the one who remembers

 

 

Click here to read the Part II of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

2.0 The Fallout

This is the continuation of The Waiting Girl series (yes it took me a long ass time to upload it, I'm sorry).

***

The silence is deafening.

I can't focus on anything 

It's too loud all I hear is you

But you're not talking 

You're not replying 

God knows if you're lying 

The absence is suffocating. 

Too many people crowding the room

Like a packed can of tomato sardines 

Squeezing in between to communicate 

Lonely despite these people 

Because none of them is you

The distance is widening. 

I listened to them and initiated 

Making the first move was never easy 

No, it didn't work

They were wrong, mistaken 

Now we started drifting, we're drifted 

Go Beyond, Together.

Can you fall

and get up unscathed?

Can you breathe underwater

and not drown?

Can you lie

and get away unnoticed?

Can you hold your breath

and not suffocate?

What if I can help you, 

are you willing to do what it takes?

***a metaphorical review of the drama series Extracurricular on Netflix. Hehehe enjoy!