When I am Finally Seen

It was loud

    "She's talking..."

    "He said that was great!"

    "Yes, pass her that please..."

 

Relaying conversations were easy

Listening actively were enjoyable

Observing is in my nature

that, of others

 

Where there is noise

there is silence

When someone is heard

another isn't

Where one is seen

others tend to disappear

 

But a pair of eyes sees me

Hear my spoken words

Warm hands covering the sharp edges

and soft questions to calm my nerves

 

But the very same pair of eyes sees her

Hear her loudest without any words spoken

Marched in front of her to be pierced first

Conversation overflowing for he is the nervous one

 

It is still loud

and I am still observing

but it hurts to notice things 

 

 

Hello everyone, it's getting awkward hearing my own voice so I'm not sure how long I'll be continuing this spoken poetry.... But do enjoy it while it's here! Have fun reading and listening <3 

enter my difficult heart, why don't you?

 Constant knocking

  a fist, a doorbell, a door ring

   throwing balls, throwing letters

anything

to make me open that door

 

A door so huge and tall

Thick with the daily paste of cement added on

sturdy as a 159-years old oak tree

yet so pale and uninviting

 

Despite that those hands bruised itself knocking

Chipping away the cements a millimeter daily

Denting the walls where it usually stood unmoving

A relentless pursuit

 

Poked a hole just big enough

To shake your hands

To tell you Hi and that I am here

am here showing my face only to then retire

 

Oh my gosh such determination!

You came again the very next day! 

... and again ...

...and again!!!?!

 

Soon I split the door into two

Installed some latches to swing them open

For you needed a passage to an entrance and an exit

For a miracle had occurred

               For you had occurred.

 

Thank you, for knocking on my door <3
 

Hello everyone, I'm trying out spoken poetry again! Pardon the weird intonation or pauses, still basing it on feelings for now so do forgive me if I'm butchering it :) 

Enjoy! 

 

You Had Me at Every Hello

 

The water was dark and murky

I knew of the fishes and corals underneath

Though none I could see

No colours seeping through

Still, I had to cross to the safety of the land

So I wadded through

 

The land people noticed my shrunken skins

and my matted hair, tousled with sands

But they could not have known

For the smiling mask I bartered as greetings

Has dawdled their fury of questions

to a later that did not resurface

 

Multiple acquaintances made for comfort

Naming them friends was for the majestic ball

 Still I felt trapped in those murky waters

Sometimes underneath them

Needing gasps after gasps of air

Short moments of reprieve

 

The land people was most welcoming

Hosting lunches and dinners with open invites

Heard of you from the vines full of thorns

Pulled in, I was

an indirect hello for an introduction

Indeed, you kept me intrigued

 

Up on the yacht we paddled

 Conversations of your puzzles kept my thoughts away from those waters

Puzzles you had completed

though some pieces were misaligned and some were broken

Your "willful, artistic approach"

 

Unfortunately the big wave folded us all

Familiarity keeps me afloat in the coldness

As it is more certain that fighting for life. 

While you boarded your boat to safety,

we waved our goodbyes, too precarious to reach out a hand 

 

The drought dried up the waters

But unforgiving of the pains it led stay

So when you told me you had docked at a merriment of a city

I couldn't help but felt envy

Longing for the possibilities that I didn't voice

that stayed silent as I waved you another goodbye 

 

But you were not the gentleman I had met on that land

Perhaps I had not known you at all

For I had waited at the harbour for as many times as those three pigeons you sent

But you were never there

Huh, wait. You were indeed the same gentleman. 

Ones who leaves.

 

A package had arrived last week

Some excitement were still within me due to the festivities surrounding me

I thought my stars were finally aligned!

Paid for a carriage I had

But ride it? I cannot.

 

Obligations bore me, sentiment exhausts me!

But I had too many qualms in me to sustain myself

I had no more riddles to let you butcher without an answer

I had bouquets of my hopes delivered

But no, there was never a single vase

For the roses were left to dry on the pavements in the harbour 

 

Hello everyone, I'm trying spoken poetry for the first time! Pardon the weird intonation or pauses, I trying it out base on feelings for now so do forgive me if I'm butchering it :(

Also, enjoy! 

Hey, Hear Me Out

 I told my neighbour yesterday

That Anna from 2 doors down had a man over

Unbeknownst to her husband

Who had been away for days

Huh? Oh, for I haven't had jogged pass him at all this week!

I went over to her house immediately

When I saw Derek passed out by the pool

Flushed red cheeks screaming how much he had fun, obviously 

Surely..., day drinking and experimenting stuffs

Ughh, with no other than that muscled friend of his

Left my neighbour a voicemail as she didn't pick up

Oh my God did you know what happened?

Stella bought so many new insurances! 

Hurry, buckle up your seat ladies

A dead husband is coming our way soon!

I went to my neighbour's just now

It's pitch black outside but I saw it

Richie sneaking pass his lawn to Anna's kitchen

In her nightgown she welcomed him

See, what did I told you before?!

 

Some came to me by the news

Some you called in to 'inform' me

Some just stared me right in the eyes as I opened my front door in the morning

 

It was their house doctor

Visiting Anna's husband at home

as he had been down with a bad cold

 

Derek had a swimming coach that day

As he was struggling to breathe due to overexertion

 while you stopped me to ring the ambulance just in time

She did not come from money

So when she was finally promoted after 10 years of working

Stella bought her first ever insurances, for the whole family

They had been married for 8 years

A homemade lemon cake craved by an eight-month-belly

and be damned, Anna bakes real good

I never knew why my neighbours never stayed

I made all efforts to befriend them

Updated them daily fearing they might missed it

Busy working or even baking

like my ex-neighbour now 2 doors down

Dried Flower

 inspired by Yuuri, from a song with the same title

 

Crumpled at the edges

Hollowed stems that used to 

be sturdy holding us strong

A slight tug is all it needed

For us to sway and fall to pieces 

Dulled colour till browned

What was once fragrant

now smells like moldy air

A day or two more we could stay

Before black and ashes we became

No more water could freshen us up

Upside down, we were tied 

right next to the sun

Over abundance of nutrient I gave us once

Now stem blackens, infected

Still crumpled at the edges

Now the petals had fallen out

Overflowed with too much

care and love

Too porous to hold onto

Once a brightly exciting bouquet

turned black as death

negligence swells the wound

stench welcoming the air

I had once adored our love

Savouring the colours it painted my life

Thinking that I could preserve it

Looking forward to contain it

But before I could hang it dry

so that it will be everlasting

An untimely death beckoning

as the water I had poisoned

Age of Maturity

They said it is caused he's young

Still gallivanting life

A free soul not yet tied down

A boy, wanting adventures

That's why he chased after her.

 

They said that he has the build

Masculinity to gawk at

Fulfilling dreams of reliability

A man's shoulder to depend on

Both hands outstretched, he caged her.

 

They said it is caused of his immaturity

Joyously experimenting

No repercussion on his end

"Just a friendly flirting"

So he laid his head on her shoulder.

 

They said that he'll grow up

Give it some time

With age and responsibilities

Wisdom will soon matures him

That is when he'll slow down. 

They said people will change

Too early to be judged

But an older man I have witnessed

Having the heart of a selfish boy

Disappointing homes he should have cared most.

The Giving Tree

 "Sure, I'll back you up."

Spoken as I break off the right branch
To be made into a display cabinet
A housewarming gift prepared for next week
Three hundred days since we last met

"Sure, I'll be there in a heartbeat."

For a midnight rendezvous
Curbing your hunger
I had gathered all my fruits
Bringing it to you still in my office attire

"Sure, I'll pick you up."

My sturdy trunk repurposed 
As a shoulder you lean on
When the world tires you out
When exhaustion burns you alive
and I shall burn together

"Sure, let's ride it out,"

Exchanging my leaves for the fuel
To bring us away tonight
An adventure for your delight
As I'm struggling for my eyes to not shut

"Sure, they will return?"

When I'm less than a stump
With my roots clutching hard
Holding on to the dried-up ground
For sure they will come 
                                        . . . right ?

*Inspired by my cousin and friends, for how giving they are, without the knowledge of how the other parties might treat them back. Thank you for being with me.

Irreversible Damage

Started with a gust of wind
Blowing debris
Blowing raindrops
Blowing scents

and then it stops.

Next accompanied with a little howling
of tin can clucking
of pebbles rolling
of tree and shrubs shaking
before it ceases.

But no one moves
No fence strengthen 
No pets secured
No alarms blared
. . . until its, too late

The howls and the wind returns

Ferociously howling

Continuously blowing

Rapidly flooding

Now every bits are gone

I had tried holding on

on the branches of love

love you had completely destroyed

with the tsunami of hatred

that you folded me in

when you claimed the whispers of the winds

as a mere joke to dine with wine

. . . so welcome to my haunted forest

        forgive me not for brushing you off

        be confused of my erratic attitude

        ... or none

        for you now I am but a ghost

        forcibly living, love a mere illusion. 

Like Awkward Strangers

 I moved today

To a new neighbourhood

Unloaded my boxes

Cooked our favourite meal

To give out to my neighbours

Breaking the ice

Exchanging phone numbers

Scouting the area,

I went to a store nearby

Used to push the cart with you by my side

Picking up our favourite snacks

For our weekly movie nights

Now I'm talking about vanilla ice-cream

With the lady in pink and white

Wanted to walk,

but it rained heavily

So I took the bus back home

The back seat used to be our favourite

chatting giddily away from others

Now I stood holding the railing

Chatting with a grandma sitting across

I am home.

Taking of my shoes

I saw my reflection on the mirror at the door

Is that same girl still your favourite?

The first to know but the last to be ignored?

My phone now filled with strangers' names

But yours is the strangest of them all.

Do You?: Part III

Do You series

Part III

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like visiting a war museum

    The pictures so loud I feel the pain

    Then I walked out the door

    The exhibition has ended

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like an itchy mosquito bite

    Home remedy putting an 'X' across

    Soon the urge subsides

    Still there but scratch I need not

 

It doesn't hurt like it used to

    Like taking anesthetic while delivering      

    Struggling, but pain is not felt

    As the pain altered by the high

    A new life is born out of it

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part II.

Do You?: Part II

Do You series

Part II

Memories etched in every muscles I have

    I swear, I have forgotten about you

    I have kept you locked in a faraway place

    I have behaved

    Though my mind whispered, "Why not."

 

Every now and then your name comes up

    I feel that tightness in my chest

    That echo in my mind running loud

    Loud but voiceless, soundless

    Still it hurts

 

Wound from my fall left scars on my skin

    but it no longer hurt or bleeds

    It closes and dried up

    Then why the you that I can't see

    Lingers and pained me

 

Time heals all but memories

    Seeping through my unconsciousness

    Filling all cracks without fail

    The smallest flame ignites

    and I remember it all

Click here to read the Part I of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

Do You?: Part I

Do You series

Part I

Physical pain versus memory that stabs me

every time I remember

and I do remember

just like I did before

I do it again

I used to dream the possibilities

of being the one you turn your head to

I was hopeful

but truth is not merciful

punched in the guts continuously

"Doing something repeatedly but hoping for a different ending,"

they called this insanity

guess I should be warded now

for I'm in pain

for I have done it again

What if one day I forget about you?

Completely with no residue

will peace finally visit me

or would it be the same

empty and void again?

In a parallel universe far from us

there is me and you

I hope we are strangers

because knowing you hurts

for I'm the one who remembers

 

 

Click here to read the Part II of the Do You? series or here for the Part III.

Syamel - Lebih Sempurna

Lebih Sempurna - More Perfect (a better girl)

Malay - English

Ombak laut, angin bayu menemaniku
 dikala terkenang dirimu

The ocean's wave, 

the sea breeze accompanying me

When I'm thinking of you

manis indah dalam cinta
  tak pernah ku sangka kau pergi hanya kerana dia

The bittersweet of love

Never have I expected that you left me for him

bertahun sudah kita bersama
hanya dusta sebalik setia
 kau biarku derita 
menangis di dalam jiwa

For years we've been together

was just lies instead of loyalty

You left me suffering

my soul crying

kau terluka akulah peneman
 kau bahagia aku ditinggalkan
mudahnya kau berubah
sepiku berteman air mata

When you're broken, I stayed beside

When you're happy, I was abandoned

You changed so easily

Now tears fill my loneliness

berlalulah kau masa
  aku tidak berdaya
temukannya yang lebih sempurna

Time, please move on

I couldn't take it anymore

Find me a better companion

bertahun sudah kita bersama
  hanya dusta sebalik setia
 kau biarku derita
menangis di dalam jiwa

For years we've been together

was just lies instead of loyalty

You left me suffering

my soul crying

kau terluka akulah peneman
 kau bahagia aku ditinggalkan
mudahnya kau berubah
sepiku berteman air mata

When you're broken, I stayed beside

When you're happy, I was abandoned

You changed so easily

Now tears fill my loneliness

berlalulah kau masa
 aku tidak berdaya
temukannya yang lebih sempurna
 temukannya yang lebih sempurna
 temukannya yang lebih sempurna

Time, please move on

I couldn't take it anymore

Find me a better companion

Find me a better companion

Find me a better companion

http://bukuliriklagu.blogspot.com/2017/03/lebih-sempurna-by-syamel.html

1.0 Break of Dawn

Don't listen to the he said she said

I met you and my heart thumped
and boy, how you knew
But you met me with her on your mind
oh honey, I'm freshly wounded too

Warning bells from my friends
and honestly I felt the fear
Seasons changed and you visited again
now I'm ready to lend you my ears

Don't listen to the he said she said

With a blank canvas you approached
"Can I paint us for keeps?" you questioned
Within a week you managed to sketch
Little did you know, the completed version in my head

Your paintings now a work of gold
Contracts dropping, and you were sold
Feeling proud, I side-stepped for you to grow
But no one told me that chivalry was old

Don't listen to the he said she said

"Our sketches, did you managed to finish it?"
I wanted to be able to ask
Taylor Swift on repeat to baby-sit
Protecting my cold heart like a warm flask

I tried not to let their words in
Clinging to promises and memories for guidance
Now please tell me of my sins
For their loud voices are now mine to listen


···
This poem is a part of the Waiting Girl Series. Know more by clicking on the 'Special Entries' tab.

Indelible

Can I like you?

          Heart races seeing others

          Sweat breaking looking at him

          but when the song in the radio starts playing

          it is you on my mind I keep seeing

Can I keep you?

          Late night talks with strangers

          Sharing stories with others

          but with every news I get

          you are the first I wished to text

Can we be more?

          You believed it's better with me

          Saying how you hoped I was there

          but if I were to actually stray

          will you be able to stay?

Can't I let go?

          A good friend before any other

          A permanence no matter what bothers

          but despite all the feelings I uprooted

          the roots of all memories stay grounded.

Neighbouring Windows

As I stare inside
I saw a couple arguing
Choosing future pathways
Breaking up or entertaining a break.
Funny,
how it shares a root word.

I peaked next door
A relationship ended
Being untitled, unlabelled
Even love can be shrugged off.
As if nothing
Just a song you get tired of.

I looked to the one below
Alone with multiple hurt
Scarring the tired heart
New strangers are just samples.
Wanting,
but the blemishes put a halt.

I glanced to my right
Years of trust evaporated
A wrong move mistaken
Feelings unrequited.
Even friendship,
is now forgotten.

At the corner I squinted,
Assessing her own reflection
Trembling, on the brink of tears
Eyebrows wrinkled of worries.
All you wanted,
was to love yourself.

Life shares a story,
lives emit bittersweet tales,
and they're all coming to me.

---
Poem inspired by 5 different friends on mine. 
The bittersweet of life is an unforgettable memory, with some requiring a drop of tear, or two.