Toll Gate: A One Second Relationship

I hope my chip is broken

I hope my balance ran out

I can prolonged our conversation 

I can stay and wait for the technician 

Your love is like a highway toll

Reachable only at intersection 

A brief interaction 

Waiting till your next emergence

So I will stay in the city

And pay for those short distances 

Even breaking my feet pumping the brakes 

For you are worth more than a second 

2.0 The Fallout

This is the continuation of The Waiting Girl series (yes it took me a long ass time to upload it, I'm sorry).

***

The silence is deafening.

I can't focus on anything 

It's too loud all I hear is you

But you're not talking 

You're not replying 

God knows if you're lying 

The absence is suffocating. 

Too many people crowding the room

Like a packed can of tomato sardines 

Squeezing in between to communicate 

Lonely despite these people 

Because none of them is you

The distance is widening. 

I listened to them and initiated 

Making the first move was never easy 

No, it didn't work

They were wrong, mistaken 

Now we started drifting, we're drifted 

Go Beyond, Together.

Can you fall

and get up unscathed?

Can you breathe underwater

and not drown?

Can you lie

and get away unnoticed?

Can you hold your breath

and not suffocate?

What if I can help you, 

are you willing to do what it takes?

***a metaphorical review of the drama series Extracurricular on Netflix. Hehehe enjoy! 

An Essential

Being the 'purpose' used to be great...

She wanted me

To accompany her

To join her lifestyle 

To be her Yes girl

To be her friend 

He needed me

For my brain was nice

Enough to feed him

To be a safe house 

A saviour when needed

I gave myself 

For you to be comfy

Finding your the one

Always there when needed

Stayed silent when not

She needed me too

Cause I listen

Cause I understand 

Thinking it'll do me justice 

by offering her ears too

You see I don't mind

Because I knew

And I accepted 

Because I liked

Being needed

But then you needed me

To complete a dream

Fulfilling your vision

Because I'm capable

Because I'm competent

I am still needed

but it hurts so much

that I am not wanted

not by your heart. 

It's Written in the Stars

It's a sea

full of sand

soft but coarse

falls, and you'll scratched. 

It's a sea

full of energy

waves crashing 

strong and powerful. 

It's a sea

full of life

of sunsets and rises

warm rays of light. 

It's a sea

it defeats and strangles us

it accompanies and comfort us

because it is

just what it is. 

b o u n d a r i e s 。

A thin line

a brittle frame

a frail wall

Laid between, 

separating. 

But porous enough

that hope kept on passing

Distancing the self

laying new barriers 

sturdier bricks

Now rock solid, 

opaque.

But I took a hammer

and it all starts again

Reciprocated

Because 

if I've said I love you... 

I could take on your offer

and barred my problems to you 

share my sufferings and doubts

and self-imposed judgements

till you want to listen no more

You could have been my saviour 

the shoulder to cry on

the one to rely on when I'm at lost

or to indulge about my sweet successions 

till it starts weighing heavy

We could have been more

No curfew for replies and calls

Of hugs that felt warm and safe

or endearing names said to each other 

Things I still could not imagine

Because 

if I were to say 'I love you'

would you have said it back?

photo taken from Google images

Vicariously

My rectangular box

Is so fancy

Shining with colour spectrum 

Bright red on the lips, 

electric blue and neon eyes

Matte finish or dewy finish

Flawless skin

A million Likes

My rectangular box

Is mesmerising 

Starry nights on a rooftop

Mountain covered in snow

Camels on barren desert 

Romantic sunsets

Lifelong trips

Gaining hearts and views 

My rectangular box

Is very edgy

Glowing with decorative bulbs 

Pretty art on lattes and whipped creams

Homemade cakes and cookies. 

Prices hitting the roof but it's okay, 

It's trendy

Locations shared

My rectangular box

Is so tiny

Stained with fingerprints 

From relentless zooming

and smashing of hearts

But as big as my palm, 

even smaller

Is what it made me feel

。。。

TRIGGERS WARNING:

Contains sensitive topic on death and suicidal intent. Please proceed with caution. 

* * *

I dream of the End

In a car

moving or static

In the kitchen 

sharp or blunt objects 

On an empty street

crashed or burned 

No I don't 

I didn't dream of the End

I dreamt of ending

but there were just too many ways

* * *

Please seek help for yourself or others around you with any symptoms of suicidal risks.